The Joint Family

A few more axial rotations from our due month (November is literally torrow--today is Halloween!), my hubby and I have been thinking long and hard about a joint family.

A joint family is when multiple generations live together under one roof. They're very common in India (other countries as well!).

Since it's a question I'm frequently asked, I decided I'd chronicle our journey here. We haven't decided 100%, but it's all looking like a tentative, wildly exciting "go" right now. Because there's no decision, I'll outline our main reasons for considering it.

Familial bonding

My biological family is not really involved with our kids. As a result, the kids miss out on time with cousins, aunts, uncles, et cetera. It's very difficult to balance creating memories with explaining why we don't have the same family structure as others. (My file is largely estranged due to cliquey-ness and petty reasons; his family lives in Sri Lanka and NYC.)

I grew up very closely bonded with my grandma, may she rest in peace and power. When she passed away,  it left a serious hole in my little family. We had not really planned or thought about life after grandparents, unfortunately assuming we would always have a set. It just isn't the kind of thing you think about.

As such, I've spent the past almost two years now wishing my kids had an elder to love on and be taught by. What many see as an inconvenience, we kinda see as a luxury because putting together a familial bond is tricky when you start from scratch! We won't have to drive over the river and through the woods because grandma is right here. Like, down the hall.

The Friendship Factor

Our carefully-cobbled friend network is decent, but quite frankly we have gotten a little worn for wear on that front: our kids are younger, and it's a little tricky to plan date nights and couples' outings. Read: we are all aching for some consistent socialization and bonding time, and it's hit the adults hardest.

We have a toddler and a newborn (due December 2018), and our preteen is not old enough to stay home alone. In the social balance we can't always be the ones hosting, but we also can't go out too frequently. I figure with a joint family, we can stay in and spend time with our family, and get adult interaction without needing a sitter. If we do decide to have a date night, there wouldn't be need for a sitter.

Extra Hands on Deck

I know it won't be a giant sober party all the time. Only a fool would assume merging households would be a cake walk.

In a joint family, the responsibilities are shared. This means that while I am nursing and tending to the newborn, hubby can be helping the preteen with her homework--all while grandma or grandpa plays with the toddler so he's not left out. While a desire for additional childcare is NOT our main reason, it ranks fairly high because neither I nor my husband want to get involved with outside daycare. We've never hired a sitter or had outside help, and we prefer that. We don't expect anyone to step in and raise our kids, but we do need a village. Yes, larger families manage just fine, and yes it can be done, but we want to have the best possible familial experience and we think this might be it.

While we would be taking care of the bills ourselves, it will be much easier. Our house, our responsibility--and them being here would actually allow us to make a considerably larger income without spending anything on childcare! The need for an Über would practically disappear as well, with more drivers in the house.

On a more practical side, household chores would be much easier. Since our delivery will be a bit complicated, having extra hands on deck for cooking and cleaning, or even going out on store runs, will be a lot easier. My 40 days will be easier also. (Having contended with postpartum anxiety before, I already know just having someone else When that time concludes, I'll have a built-in companion when I take the kids on outings or to appointments.

Educating

Educating the small fries will be a lot more well-rounded. While I handle the English requirements, the kids will garner all kinds of valuable wisdom and history from their grandparents. They'll also learn Tamil and Hindi a lot faster, because they'll be speaking them all day every day.

Fun fun fun...

I can't lie--I'm thinking positives, and I'm positive it will be fun! Vacations will be more exciting, family photos will be better, and game nights will be more hilarious.

I know there's more to it than the fun stuff. I'm aware. But I'm oh so happy because at the very least, I'll feel a lot less isolated. As it stands, my friendship circle is but a tiny dot. I'm relatively shy and reserved, so it isn't like I'm out there attracting the masses with my charm and wit. *sighs* I want to do fun stuff like mani-pedis, girls' days out, and shopping trips with a home girl, but I'm missing the homegirl part.

...

We still haven't concluded if this is a definite thing, but I kinda want it to be. Next post, I'll explore the potential downsides...