Why "How Did You Meet?" Elicits Side Eye...

Hey-oh!

 

Tonight I wanna talk about how we met. Specifically, how it was so unspectacular that it was magnificent—and how wholly annoying it is when we share that story and people swear there must be more.

 

As I may or may not have divulged before, we met in a grocery store. He was buying his assorted vegetarian bachelor groceries and I was buying my weekly household boringness. That’s the actual and factual.

 

Why am I sometimes annoyed when others ask how we met?

 

It isn’t the question itself. (I’m not that anti-social.) It isn’t answering it 50 times a week. (More if the kids have activities.) It isn’t even the fact that some people will ask us more than once, as if the story somehow changes once we know you better…

 

It’s the fact that it’s apparently soooo unbelievable that we could have such an unspectacular beginning.

 

I try not to be too cynical but honestly, people will take you there sometimes, and I’m not always one to refuse the trip. (I’m a work in progress!) I also try not to be too sensitive. I think most people have a genuine curiosity about how others interact, especially when those others happen to be a couple from two opposite ends of the world.

 

Don’t get me wrong—I believe every relationship is special and cool. I love learning about people. I have even asked my share of “how did you meets”!

 

…I just don’t make people feel like a sideshow.

 

I absolutely like engaging with others. It gives life a spark.

 

But what that question seems to convey sometimes is not an interest in how we met.

 

No.

 

It feels more like…

 

He married her?

 

She couldn’t find a Black man?

 

This is likely a paper marriage.

How did they even cross paths? (As if it would be unfathomable that we could possibly end up in Kroger on the same day? Are there assigned days for each nationality?)

 

In today’s political and social climate, I’m keenly aware of how limited some people’s views are. Painfully so at times, especially when someone once respected spews some archaic vitriol. While we haven’t necessarily had a frightening encounter, we have not always managed to miss the subtle (and not-so-subtle) jabs about the “mixing.” We hear, we see, and we understand just fine.

 

Hubbs and I generally take these things in stride. (Mostly him. Cool under fire is not what I’m known for.

 

I’m sure it all boils down to how each individual we encounter was raised, and how much of the world they have seen. I have to remind myself that not everyone has the benefit of a diverse community, and people can only draw on their experience when processing new information.

 

At any rate, I’m a much better sport about it now. The side-eye still happens, and likely always will. But I balance it with way bigger doses of understanding than I was ever inclined to dole out before.

 

Baby steps.