Mythbuster, Volume 1: Can We NOT Perpetuate These? #yeahThanks

Mythbusters, Volume 1

 

Hi!

 

As I mentioned before, we get many questions. We usually have a field day dispelling the lighter myths but occasionally people manage to strike a nerve by asking something stereotypical or outright offensive. Hubby has the benefit of a language barrier at times. That and the fact that he’s pretty unflappable (unless I leave rice in the cooker overnight *chuckle*) save him the agitation I sometimes experience.

 

Part of the reason I wanted to do this blog is to dispel a lot of the common misconceptions about us, and likely every other multi-cultural couple. (I kinda hate the term “mixed” in relation to humans. Just seems…wrong. Dated. I don’t know! I just don’t care for it.)

 

In no particular order, may I bust up the biggest myths I’ve encountered about Blindian couples.

 

“Is it for papers?”

 

Uh, no.

 

Note: For the uninitiated,” paper marriages” are unions in which there is no actual relationship. The parties get legally married so the immigrant party can pursue citizenship. Also—he pursued his citizenship completely independent of our relationship. Would it have been easier or less expensive? Possibly. But he was already legally here in the US when we met, by his own credentials and merits.

 

          Is it so crazy that a guy met a gyal, the like became the love and the love became the marriage? Because it totally happens hundreds of thousands a times per year, all around the world.

 

I couldn’t resist throwing in a little snark there. Forgive me.

 

          “Are your in-laws terrible?”

         

          No more terrible than anyone else’s.

 

          I kid. My in-laws are actually charming! We have a bit of a language barrier, but they go out of their way to make sure I am comfortable when we’re all together. When they are in my home, I spoil them as well. We don’t get to hold long conversations about philosophy or the meaning of life, but I make a mean red velvet and they have insatiable sweet teeth! If all else fails, we eat together and smile.

 

I did a little research after getting this one about the in-laws a few times, though. Turns out, the internet is crawling with horror stories of evil Indian mothers-in-law in particular. They can be quite monstrous I suppose—you know, kind of like any other person we encounter in our families and social circles that seems to have it in for us.

 

“So are you gonna drive a minivan? Because all Indian couples drive minivans.”

 

Negative. I drive an SUV.

 

But crap…he has a minivan. *chuckle*

 

I don’t think there’s an iron-clad rule about Asians and minivans. If so rules were meant to be broken. Also, we do meet the quota for the “family must own a van” rule. I’m too cool for it but it’s there.

 

“Do you get to name your own kids?”

 

Yes.

 

I’ve never heard of couples not being able to choose names for their kids in any culture but I guess that misconception goes back to those harrowing Google and Quora tales of overbearing in-laws and joint families. Which brings me to the next one…

 

“Do you have to live with his parents?”

 

No.

 

His parents are overseas.

 

We live near (within an hour) of some in-laws, but that’s by choice. When we were choosing where to have our home, we wanted to make sure our kids could have the benefit of growing up near enough of his relatives to immerse themselves in the language and observe the holidays together. My family is also within driving range (either a 3-hour drive or a 45-minute flight—we get there when we wanna!), which we enjoy.

 

As far as being forced into a joint home situation? NO.

 

“Are you allowed to eat your own food?”

 

I assume they mean one of two things here.

 

1. Am I “allowed” to eat a diet different than his? (I.E. can I eat meat if he is vegetarian or can I eat beef at all?)
    
   Yes. He actually is vegetarian, and some nights we eat vegetarian meals. He also eats seafood (which might mean he is a pescatarian?), which makes menu planning for those nights much more versatile. I am not a true vegetarian as I eat meat (chicken or turkey mainly) but no red meat.
    
2. Am I still “allowed” to eat American food?
    
   Yes. In fact, I eat whatever tickles my fancy. I happen to really enjoy Indian and Sri Lankan food—but we also eat (more than) our fair share of everything from Italian to Chinese to fast food. We don’t have food rules, other than eating as healthily as possible at home so those restaurant and travel indulgences don’t expand our waistlines too drastically.

 

“Do you ever worry about being kidnapped and taken overseas?”

 

Uh…no.

 

I know those things happen, but it isn’t really fair—or kosher—to project news headlines and Lifetime movies onto people who aren’t living that actuality. It’s rude.

 

All in all, most of the myths people seem to believe about inter-cultural relationships end up being just that, and we are happy to help get the facts out there. In a perfect world, people would not believe everything they hear or see without research and experience.

 

This ain’t a perfect world.

 

…alas, we live here. And somehow…

 

…we’re Sri’Maican it.